Northwest Suburban Council Skits

Here is a good one "to get" your favorite Scout Leader with.

Need: 3 or 4 boys as lawnmowers, 1 Salesman, and 5 or 6 customers

Lawnmowers on hands and knees in a row. Salesman standing around talking about lawnmower sales:
"Lawnmowers, Good Condition, Sale today only. Come and try them"

Customer 1: (walks in) "Hey I'd like to buy a lawnmower. Can I try one?"

Salesman: "Sure give this one a pull" Takes customer to a lawnmower.

Customer 1: Pulls imaginary cord on mower, Lawnmower starts up (Scout makes noise and moves off stage with Cust. 1 pushing...

Repeat the above for (n - 1) lawnmowers. On the last mower, mower won't start, spits and sputters... This happens for all remaining customers. The salesman may even give it a try. Disgusted and concerned about the sale of his last mower, the salesman asks for a volunteer from the audience... Many hands will go up, but salesman will select someone special like Council Executive, Scoutmaster, Commissioner, or Camp Director ... This person will come up and mimic what the others tried to do... Of course the mower starts up immediately and moves off stage..

Salesman turns to audience: "I guess all it needed was a big jerk!"

All exit

Need: 4 to 8 Scouts. Have them stand in a line.

A line of submarine officers on a japanese sub during WWII . Captain sights a ship in the parascope

CAPTAIN; "Tanker bearing 259, Range 1 mile"

He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo opperator is told. The torpedo operator just shrugs his shoulders.

CAPTAIN: "Load main tube # 1 and stand by to fire."

He yells this to the first mate, who in turn tells second mate, down the line until finally the torpedo opperator is told.

TORPEDO OPERATOR: "I don't know How."

Next the captain gives the order to fire down the line, but the

TORPEDO OPERATOR: "I dont know How..."

This message is returned up the line to the Captain who SCREAMS.

CAPTAIN : "Press the red button."

When this message finally gets down to the TORPEDO OPERATOR. he follows it, but it took too long so they miss the ship. (More message passing if you want.) Finally after about three ships (each time the TORPEDO OPERATOR doesnt remember how to fire.) The Captain feels disgraced and pulls out a knife and commits Sepuku (or incorrectly, Hari Keri) Each officer in turn picks up the knife and follows the Captains example until at last the knife comes to the Torpedo Officer Who looks at the knife and says;

TORPEDO OPERATOR: "I dont Know How..."

Need: 5-8 Scouts standing (or laying) with left foot crossed over right and right arm crossed over left.

First Scout in line asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" - Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.

Last Scout says: "NO" Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.

After a lonnnnnnnng pause,

First Scout asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" It goes down the line as before.

Last Scout says: "NO" Again and the word is passed back.

Another long pause...............

First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?" etc and,

Last Scout says: "YES" the answer is passed back.

Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.

Exit groaning

Pay close attention here.

Need: 5 scouts (1 as doctor, 4 patients). Two chairs.

Scene begins with doctor sitting on one of the chairs.

First patient enters twitching their left arm.

DOCTOR: "And what's wrong with you sir?"

Patient 1: "As you can see doctor I have this terrible twitch"

DOCTOR: "Just sit on my magic chair and you'll get better"

The patient sits on the chair and stops twitching, but the doctor's left arm starts twitching.

Patient 1: "Oh thank you doctor. you cured me"

The patient leaves, the doctor still twitching calls for the next patient.

DOCTOR: " Next "...... "And what's wrong with you sir?"

This patient has the hiccups. The process of sitting in the chair is repeated. The doctor now has a twitch and the hiccups.

The third patient is called in, both his legs keep flicking in the air. The process is again repeated so that the doctor now has a twitching arm the hiccups and both legs flicking in the air.

The doctor now calls patient four. This patient looks quite normal, enters and sits in the magic chair.

DOCTOR: "And what may I ask is wrong with you sir?"

Patient 4: "I've got a terrible case of the runs doctor"

The doctor runs off the stage holding his stomach.

Need: 5 Scouts (1 to be a table).

1st Scout comes out: Gets down on all fours, pretending to be a table.

2nd Scout comes out, looks at the table and declares;

2nd SCOUT: "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off" Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table, and walks off.

3nd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;

3rd SCOUT: "Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's legs off", With great precision and animation, picks up the fly, removes it's legs, and puts it back and walks off.

4rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces;

4th SCOUT: "Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think I'll pull it's head off." Then proceeds as the other Scout before him.

Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects the object with out picking it up and says very quickly

LAST SCOUT: "A raisin !" and quickly picks it up and puts it in his mouth

Need: 4 scouts, One large can (Billy can or gallon can) with water placed in the center of the stage.

1st scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

" THIS CAMP COFFEE IS GETTING WORSE! "

2nd scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

" THIS CAMP TEA IS GETTING WORSE! "

3rd scout (Walks to billy carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink. )

" THIS CAMP CHOCOLATE IS GETTING WORSE! "

4th scout (Walks to billy, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says. )

"I THOUGHT THAT WOULD GET THEM CLEAN!"

Need: 2 scouts (Private and a Seargent).

Sarge and private walking.

Private: "I want to rest!"

Sarge: "No! we have to finish this hike. Keep going!"

Private: "But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)

Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...

Sarge: "Absolutely NOT!!!"

Private: "Ill cry..."

Sarge: "Go ahead!"

Private: "WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here Sarge gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you can always use the "Weeee!" when the Sarge finally gives in after the same Rigamarole. and next a drink, and finally food. But this is only a day hike so there is no food. After more tears, the sarge finds a worm and the private will only eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the sarge eats half. Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling again and screams

Private: "You ate my half."

Need: 5 scouts (or more) and one article of clothing for each.

First scout enters, walking slowly. Second scout enters, wearing a hat and walking in the opposite direction. First scout stops second scout and says,

First Scout: "Hey, where did you get that cool hat?"

Second Scout: "J.C. Penney"

Second scout leaves and third scout enters carrying pants.

First Scout: "Hey, where did you get those pants?"

Third Scout: "J.C. Penney"

Others enter carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar explanations. Finally the last scout enters wearing just shorts. First scout stops him.

First Scout: "Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"

Last Scout: "I'm J.C. Penney !"

Need: 5 or more scouts.

Scene: One person acts as a lamp post, shining a flashlight on the ground. Another is groping around in the pool of light. (He's Scout One).

A third person enters, sees Scout One, and asks: "What are you looking for?"

Scout One: "A quarter that I lost".

He joins # 1, and helps him search. A fourth and fifth enter and repeat the above scene.

Finally one of them asks Scout One: "Where did you loose the quarter ?"

Scout One: (Pointing away) "Over there"

Other Scout: "Then why are you looking here ?"

Scout One: "Because the light is better over here!"

Need: 2 scouts (If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable sound effects and actions.)

Props: Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if required and a compass.

Announcer: This scene is on board a very low budget airline.

Pilot: Well, are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ?

Co-Pilot: (peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights over there to the port. That's likely it. Bring 'er around and have a look.

Pilot: (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell. I wish the company would buy us some instruments.

Co-Pilot: (pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty compass and the sun went down about 20 minutes ago, so we've got to be on course. (Excited) Look, see that spot down there, that must be it.

Pilot: Okay, here we go. Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts plane into a nose dive, sound effects.)

Pilot: This is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the engines. (Louder) More flaps, less throttle !

Co-Pilot: (Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.)

Pilot: QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES !

Both: (Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it !

Pilot: Boy that was a short runway !

Co-Pilot: (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !

Need: 2 scouts.

Small boy is sitting, crying

Passer-by #1: (Enters) What's wrong little boy, why are you crying?

Boy: (Sobbing) I lost my lollipop !

Passer-by #1: Have you looked for it ?

Boy: (Continues to sob) Oh, yes, I've looked under my bed, in my sock drawer, and even in Charlie's pocket.

Passer-by #1: I've heard that chanting often works. You think very hard about the lollipop until you can see it in your mind, and chant 'lollipop' over and over again.

Boy: (Closing eyes tightly) Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop.

Passer-by #1: (Nods approval and strolls out)

Boy: (Continues chanting for a while, then starts crying again)

Passer-by #2: (Enters) What's wrong, little boy ?

Boy: (Sobbing) I lost my lollipop, and I hunted and hunted, then this man told me to chant, and I did, and it didn't work !

Passer-by #2: Chanted ?

Boy: Yeah, like this (Demonstrates, then starts to cry)

Passer-by #2: Don't cry little boy. Maybe we need more help.

Boy: (Turns to audience) You're my only help to get my lollipop back. Everybody, very softly now, chant with me, "Big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop, big red yummy lollipop." (Gets everyone doing it in unison) Great ! I think it's working, keep going now.

Passer-by #1: (Re-enters) Hi little boy. Did it work ?

Boy: (Loudly) No, it didn't, but I did find a whole lot of suckers !

Need: 1 leader and 2 or more scouts.

Props: A good compass and a map

Announcer: In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.

Scoutmaster: Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up and, keeping the compass away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing until you reach your destination. John, you try that.

John : (Does as instructed, exits, re-enters)

Scoutmaster: (Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use that to find where you are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that big tree on the hill top.

Other boys : (Do as instructed, passing compass around, making suitable comments.)

Scoutmaster: (After a few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up tonight's compass lesson. There is just one more important point ! Never, never buy a TATES compass.

Tom : Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass ?

Scoutmaster: You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"

Need: 5 or more scouts (1 is an announcer, 1 is an Angel).

Announcer: Here we are at the Gates of Heaven.

Scout 1: (Walks up to angel at gate) Hello, I see I've come to Heaven.

Angel: Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.

Scout 1: Well, I spent a week eating camp food.

Angel: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Scout 1 exits dejectedly.)

Scout 2: (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.

Angel: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?

Scout 2: I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.

Angel: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Scout 2 exits)

Scout 3: (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?

Angel: How did you suffer ?

Scout 3: I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)

Angel: Well, come on in !!

Need: 5 scouts (1 as announcer)

Props: A cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)

Announcer: This scene takes place on the street outside a grocery store.

(Several participants are gathered around outside the store, chatting.)

Scout 1: (Enters holding the box) Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I go into the store
? (Exits)

Scout 2: I wonder what's in the box ?

Scout 3: I don't know, but something is leaking out !

Scout 4: (Rubs finger against the bottom of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.

Scout 3: (Also rubs box and tastes finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.

Scout 1: (Returns, looks in box and pulls out stuffed dog) Oh, you naughty puppy !

Need: 3 scouts (1 as announcer).

Announcer: This scene takes place in a hardware store in a small north woods lumber town.

Lumberjack: (Enters) My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will let me cut more wood, or I'm going to go broke !

Owner: Yes, sir ! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw. I guarantee that it will cut twice as much wood in a day as your own crosscut.

Lumberjack: (Handing over money) O.K. great ! (Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters tiredly) There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard yesterday, and only cut half as much wood.

Owner: Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on it and you give it another try.

Lumberjack: O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back ! (Exits)

Announcer: The next day.

Lumberjack: (Enters exhausted) This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still it won't cut half the wood of my old saw ! I want my money back !

Owner: Yes, sir ! Just let me check it out here. (Pulls starter rope)

Announcer: (Makes sound effects of saw running.)

Lumberjack: Oh, my gosh! What on earth is all that noise ?

Need: 3 scouts (2 older scouts and 1 cub scout).

(Two Scouts come on stage carrying a long pole. They prop it up, then stand back and look at it.)

Scout 1: Now, there are several ways we can figure out the height of this pole. How do you want to start?

(The Scouts unsuccessfully try various methods of estimation to calculate the height of the pole. The conversation goes something like....)

Scout 1: According to my calculations, that pole is about 2 m high.

Scout 2: There's no way. It has got to be shorter than that. Just look at it.

(This kind of exchange repeats several times as the Scouts obviously become more and more exasperated. A Cub strolls onto the stage.)

Cub: Hi! (he watches a bit) What are you guys trying to do?

Scout 2: We're trying to measure the exact height of this pole.

Scout 1: We haven't had too much luck, yet, but we'll get it.

Cub: Why don't you just lay the pole on the ground and measure its length?

Scout 1: (scornfully) Cubs!

Scout 2: I'll say. (To the Cub) Didn't you hear right? We want to know how tall the pole is - not how long it is

Need: 2 scouts, one will lie down as if dead

Scene: One person lying on the ground, dead.

Another enters, sees him, runs for the telephone and dials 911.

Panicking and gasping he says: "Hello 911, there's a dead person here...

Where? .... Uh, (looking for a sign)

"I'm at Montgomery and Westchester..."

"Spell it!?... Uh, M-o-t-n... Uh, M-o-t-g,," (confused),

"Just a minute, I'll drag him over to King and Elm !"

Need: 4 (or more) scouts .

First boy is squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and asks what the first is doing.

"I'm sitting on the invisible bench."

"Can I join you?"

"Sure, there's plenty of room."

Second boy pretends to sit.

A third boy comes along, and the scene repeats.

Go on for as many boys as you want.

When the last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over there this morning!"

AAAAHHHHHH!!!! All seated boys fall down.

Need: 2 scouts (1 participant is on hands and knees as the 'Go Cart').

Driver : Oh, this fool Go Cart is always giving me trouble ! Now the front wheel has come off. (Selects member of audience) Would you come over and give me a hand. Thanks. (Selected person may have some comments to respond to - then they are led to the cart.)

Driver : Here, if you would just be the wheel I need. That's right, get down on your hands and knees up there and be the front wheel. Now let me try it again. (Driver gets on car, tries to start it up.)

Go Cart: (Makes sputtering noises, starts, moves forward, then sags and sputters out.)

Driver : Now what is it ? (Driver moves to rear, lifts cart, lets go and cart sags again.)

Driver : Now that old suspension has gone, I need more help. (Selects someone else) Please come over here and be the suspension. That's right, just hold the back end up there. Now I'll try it again. (Gets on car, starts engine.)

Go Cart: (Sputters to life, moves forward, wobbles, and stops)

Driver : (Getting off) Oh, no. Now the rear wheel is loose. I'll go and get more help. (Selects more help) (New help is positioned at rear wheel.)

Driver: This wheel is loose. If you will just hold the wheel (indicates leg) tightly so it doesn't fall off, you'll be a big help. Thanks. (Driver gets on cart, starts engine)

Go Cart: (Starts up, runs fine, moves forward)

Driver : (Braking to halt) Oh, that's perfect now ! All I needed was a few NUTS to get it going !

     Judge, Bailiff, 3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
     Setting: Courthouse

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Bring in the first case!

(Bailiff brings in a scruffy guy.)

Judge: What's your problem?

#1: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts against walls! Hic!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!

Judge: What's your problem?

#2: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts out the window!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!

(Judge becomes increasingly bored)

Judge: Oh, not another, What's your problem?

#3: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts into a lake!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Why do they send me all the loonies,Next!

(Finally the bailiff brings in the last, really scruffy, bloodied, shirt torn, no shoes, so on.)

Judge: What's your problem? (Sigh....)

Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)

     Mean Pirate Captain, 6 Pirates, Lifeguard
     Setting: Pirate Ship at Sea

Captain: Okay let's see the first o' you. Which rule did you break?

#1: I... I... I ran around in the dining hall when I should have been sitting down!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#2: I pushed into the canteen line, Sir!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#3: I wasn't quiet when the sign was up!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#4: I was talking after bedtime!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#5: I wasn't listening during badgework!

Captain: Walk the plank! And you?

#6: I was playing with the campfire!

Captain: Walk the plank!

Lifeguard comes out.

Lifeguard: Okay guys, BUDDY UP AND NO TALKING!

     Actor(s), Director, Cameraman, Others in a studio
     Setting: Studio

Director: Okay, People! Let's get going!

Cameraman: But Sir!

Director: No interruptions! Action!

(Actor, speaking in a dull voice, does a commercial for Scout Beer, talking about its great taste, made from dishwater and leftover porridge, and lots of the special ingredient, "Hop to it," which the Scout leader often said, from Scout camp when ...)

Director: Cut! That sounded like you don't like the stuff! Sound sincere! Okay! Let's try it again!

Cameraman: But Sir!

Director: No buts! Action!

(Actor begins again, appropriately sincere, and there are the usual interruptions by the director, saying it's too fast, too slow, whispers into the actor's ear (who then checks his zipper) until finally, everything goes smoothly. )

(All the while, the Cameraman keeps on interrupting the Director at the same time.)

Director: Cut! And Print! That was fantastic! Let's get out of here!

Cameraman: But Sir! We don't have any film!

     Director, Others in a Studio (Clapper Board, Lighting Men), Mother, Son, Doctor,
     Undertaker, brooms for the actors

("Set the scene" with the "actors" standing around on break, and the Director calling them in, saying that they'd had enough time already.)

Director: Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene one, Take one!

(The actors play the scene without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and cameraman films. Mother is flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.)

Son: Mom, I don't feel too well. (He collapses)

Mom: (Goes over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves to the phone, dials making click, click, click sounds.) Doctor, come quick. My son's collapsed.

Doctor: (Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call the undertaker. (Goes to phone, dials making dialing sounds like Mom did.) Undertaker, you'd better come. I have a dead body here.

Undertaker: (Enters and begins to measure the body.)

Director: (Jumps up.) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion AT ALL! Let's do it again. This time, give me more emotion!

Cast: (Exiting) Right. More emotion.

Director: Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene one, Take Two!

(The actors redo the scene, using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics. Mom weeps uncontrollably throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same point as in Take One, the
Director yells, "Cut! Cut!")

Director: That was better, but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down. Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene on, Take three!

(The actors redo the scene in slow motion-talking slowly, mowing slowly. For example, when the telephone is dialed it goes click ... click ... click ... and after the doctor check's the son's pulse, the son's hand falls slowly back to the floor, etc. The Director yells "Cut!" in the usual place.)

Director: That was far too slow! Let's speed it up!

(This time the actors do the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground, the doctor is there before Mom can hang up, and so on.)

Director: (At the same place) Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call yourselves actors!!??

Cast: Actors? Who said anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pick up brooms and exit.)

     Setting: Family Sitting at the Dinner Table, talking in a very thick Southern Drawl.

Ma: Pass the peppa, Pa.

(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)

Pa: Here's the Black Peppa, Ma.

(Goes down the line to Ma, who responds)

Ma: No, not the Black Peppa, Pa.

(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)

Pa: Oh. Here's the Chili Peppa, Ma.

(This goes on through different kinds of Peppa i.e. Banana Peppa, Jalepeno Peppa, Red Peppa, Green Peppa, and so on until,)

Ma: Can't you pass the toilet peppa, Pa?

     Story teller, Victim, appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water

Storyteller: I need a volunteer to take submarine training.

(Put victim under the coat and hold up an arm of the coat to use as a periscope.)

Now to be a good submarine captain, you must be able to use the periscope. So let's practice a bit. Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The moon? The stars?

(Continue until (s)he becomes proficient.)

Let's start our mission. You are the captain of this fine submarine, the S.S. Kaput. You are to bring it about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here we go, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh! Here comes an enemy ship to the right! Can you see him?

(Show a drawing of a ship.) Blow him up! (When he fires, sink the ship.) 

Good going! Now turn the submarine to port, and then to starboard (Left & right.) Oh, Oh-there's a storm brewing. (Shake him a bit.)

Do you see that Island? Try to go there to seek cover. Can you see the waves? My, aren't they big? And they're crashing against the rocks!

What a big storm! Can you see it? Can you see the waves? No?

(Pour the water down the arm.)

     Performer

(The performer is putting his trained flea Flora through all her tricks, explaining all her tricks as she does them. His eyes follow every flip, jump, etc. as she performs and lands back in his hand.

The he asks her to jump to the ceiling. His eyes lose her and she doesn't return. He looks high and low (perhaps with the help of a friend) but can't find her. Finally he looks in someone's hair.)

Performer: (Delighted) Flora! There you are! I'm so glad to have you back.

(looks more closely.) But say ... this isn't Flora!

Alternate Ending ...

(When Flora has done all her tricks,)

Performer: Let's hear a big round of applause for Flora! (Begins to clap, then stops, horrified, realizing what he's done.)

     Warehouse Person, Store Manager, 5 Customers, Two Victims, Broomstick
     Setting: Party Supplies Store

(Get two victims to hold, at each end, the broomstick-this will be your manager's store counter.)

Customer #1: Hi! I'd like to buy some balloons for my daughter's birthday party.

Manager: Of course, Sir. Let me check with the back. (Calling to back of warehouse.) Do we have any balloons?

Warehouse: (Calling from back-an accent works well, or he's hard of hearing.) Let me check. (Pause) No! No balloons!

Manager: Gee, I'm sorry, Sir. Thank you for stopping by!

(Continue with each customer trying to get cakes, party favors, candies, games for the little darlings, hats, and so on. Each time, the Manager calls back, the warehouse person responds that he'll check, says no, and the manager apologizes. Finally,)

Last Customer: I've been waiting in line here for a while and I've noticed that you don't have anything that anybody wants. What do you have for parties?

Manager: (Slowly looks at each of the victims, considering each.) Well, I do have two suckers on a stick!

The Statue Warehouse

Tour Guide, Group of Tourists (optional), 1 Victim, Statues, Aquaman Statue with mouthful of water      Setting: Statue Museum (or Warehouse of Old, Unused Statues)

Guide: Welcome to the museum of Superheroes. We have an unique collection of statues in that you can press a button and the statues come alive to imitate their real life counterparts. See here, for instance. This is Superman. Watch as I push the button on his chest.

(Superman comes out of stiff standing position and takes a flying position, then resumes a stiff standing position. Guide continues through the tour, occasionally letting someone try the statues of Spiderman, the Flash, Batman, Wonder woman, each with a different action and way of activating them (pull arm, press nose, and so on.) Finally they get to Aquaman.)

Guide: Now this is our last statue; Aquaman is our pride and joy. However, it seems that sometimes it just won't activate. Better let me try first.

(Pulls arm. Nothing. "Aquaman," he whispers. He tries the arm again. Nothing.)

(To victim) You, Sir? Would you like to try? He's rather finicky. Maybe he'll work if you try.

(Victim tries and Aquaman spits out a mouthful of water at him.)

     GSITW, Partner with metal pot (with a bit of water in it) and a pebble
     Setting: Boardwalk, Circus, Amusement Park

(Separate GSITW and partner by about 15 feet.)

Partner: Ladies and Gentlemen! May I present to you the Greatest Spitter in the World! He does all kinds of tricks with a mere spit! Let him show you the simple spit first!

(GSITW sends off a regular spit, which is caught in the pot by the partner. When it's supposed to land, he hits the bottom of the pot with a secret pebble he holds in his hand.)

Partner: Ladies and Gents! That is not all he can do! Watch his fastball!

(Again, another spit which immediately "lands" in the pot. Continue with tricks, such as slow spit, high spit, round the world spit (in which case each turns around, backs facing each other, and the spit takes a while to come around but indeed does,) curve spit, and so on. Finally,)

Partner: Now for his last spit! It's a really difficult spit but we think we have it! It's a high, quadruple axle, curvy, spring jump spit! We must have absolute silence for this one!

(GSITW spits up, partner follows it up, doing 4 spins, it curves side to side, begins to jump up and down in air, then he seems to lose it ... no, there it is ... he goes side to side, trying to catch it, he trips and spills the water on the crowd.)

     Storyteller, Bird, Frog, Tree, Breeze, Lost Scoutmaster

(Storyteller is telling the story to the campfire crowd, while the other actors, with the exception of the Lost Scoutmaster, have the option to hide in the woods, sit in the crowd, or stand beside the story teller. I suggest the first, for effect. The Lost Scoutmaster, however, must hide in the woods.)

Storyteller: You know, I love camping. It's not like being in the city at all. You hear sounds that you canonly hear out in the country.

For instance, lots of birds. (Bird chirps a lot, sings a bird song.) Ah, isn't that lovely?

And the frogs. They have one of those great sounds. (Frog calls out ribbit sounds.)

And though there's breeze in the city, it's just not the same as the breeze in the country. (Light breeze being called out.)

Let's face it; there are trees in the city, but how many? The breeze through a forest is so nice (Light breeze, slight swishing of the trees.)

But the sound I love to hear the most when I go camping is the sound of the Lost Scoutmaster.

(Heavy thumping of the feet; calls out, "Where in the world am I?")

     2 Friends, HTCITW, tree, book
     Setting: Campfire

(Tree climber is hidden in the woods and is able to ruffle a bush or tree.)

1: You know, they say there's this really good tree climber trying out for the Olympics. I wonder if he's practicing around here?

2: Call out and see!

1: Hey! Tree Climber! You around here?

Climber: Yep!

1: You practicing?

Climber: Yep!

1: How high are you?

Climber: Oh, not high. About 100 feet.

1: Wow! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 200 feet.

1: Fantastic! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 275 feet.

1: Neato! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 325 feet.

1: Great! Can you go higher?

Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 400 feet.

1: Gee! I'm amazed!

2: Excuse me, Sir, but I have a book here that says that the highest tree in the world is only 360 feet high!

Climber: Ahhhhhh!!!!!! (Thump!)