61. The Candy Shop

     Old storekeeper, very young kid (4 years old)
     Setting: Candy Shop

Kid: (Kid walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the top.

Storekeeper: You mean those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?

Kid: Yes, please.

Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)

(Storekeeper climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.)

(This scene repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until, )

Storekeeper: Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Climbs up and gets the 5 candies.)

Storekeeper: (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny candies from way up top, right?

Kid: Nope! Not today!

Storekeeper: Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away, then comes down.)

Storekeeper: Now, sonny, what would you like today?

Kid: I would like three of those penny candies way up at the top!

     Narrator, two hunters, Medicrin, Loon, wise man
     Setting: Out in the woods

Narrator: This is the story of the little-known Medicrin and two hunters' efforts to capture it. For instance, watch.

(The Medicrin, which has been dancing around during the Narrator's speech, suddenly spots the two hunters, who blunderingly, and unsuccessfully, attempt to catch the Medicrin. During the next speech, all actors act according to the Narrator's storyline.)

Narrator: Several times our bold hunters attempt to catch this Medicrin; they use traps, "Medicrin" calls, even a sick loon. (Every once in a while the actors make appropriate comments.) But all this was to no avail. Finally, they consulted a wise man.

Hunter 1: Wise man, we have been trying to catch the Medicrin for quite a while, but without any success. We even tried to lure it with a sick loon, because we'd heard that it was a good idea. What do you suggest?

Wise man: (In one of those old, strained, many years-of-experience sage voices,) You have been going about it almost in the right way. But the Medicrin also needs a sweeter trap!

Hunter 1: (Bewildered) Uh... Thank you, Wise man! Let's go!

Hunter 2: What did he mean by a sweeter trap?

Hunter 1: I don't know. Maybe we should feed our sick loon some sugar!

Hunter 2: Sugar?

Hunter 1: Yeah! You know, like sugar cured ham!

Narrator: And so our brave hunters took a bag of sugar and forced it down the loon's throat. Ahh ... Watch now as the Medicrin spots our loon.

(The Medicrin sees the loon and DIVES for it, at which point, the hunters capture the Medicrin.)

Narrator: Out brave hunters have finally succeeded in capturing the Medicrin. Which, just proves that ... A loonful of sugar helps the Medicrin go down!

     Jumper, bystander
     Setting: City Street

(A person is jumping on up and down, yelling 49! 49! 49! The second person comes by and notices this; he asks what he's doing.)

Victim: What are you doing?

Jumper: I'm jumping up and down on this manhole yelling 49! 49! 49! It's really fun! Wanna try?

Victim: Sure!

(He takes the jumper's place and yells 49! 49! 49! All of a sudden, the jumper pulls the manhole cover out from under the victim, who falls into the sewer.)

Jumper: 50! 50! 50!

Narrator:  America's history is full of colorful characters.  I'm sure you've heard of many that you couldn't even begin to count them.  But we also know that much of our country's history wasn't written down until many years had passed.  Memories fade as time goes by.  Now...we're not calling our historians liars...but...things were not always the way they told us.  Take, for instance, the burro express rider.

Rider:  (enters pulling the burro) "Come on Speedy, those Cub Scouts at Southside are waiting for their Mail.

Narrator:  "Excuse me sir? Why do you call your burro Speedy?
Rider:  Why, this here is the fastest burro in the west.
Narrator:  "How fast is he?"
Rider:  "Why, he's so fast he can dance his shoes off!  (Burro dances, and removes his shoes and tosses them into the crowd and they leave.)

Narrator:  And there's always the legend of Rip Van Winkle.  It's really quite unlikely that he could sleep for forty whole years.
Rip Van W.:  (entering) Sleep? Did I hear someone mention sleep.  Oh, I'd love to get some sleep!
Narrator:  Have a hard day Rip?
Rip Van W.:  Day, day he says! Days is more like it.  Ever since those Cub Scouts came to town, I haven't slept a wink.  Their Den Leaders keep knocking things over and tripping over things.  And you should hear them laugh.
Narrator:  Poor Rip, I guess he could use forty years sleep now.

Chef:  (entering eating an ice cream cone, and looking over and under and around things, saying...."Nope, not here, etc.  and "I know it's around here somewhere." Continuing to look.)
Narrator:  Boy that ice cream looks good.  Where can I get some?
Chef:  Down the road at Custard's Last Stand.
Narrator:  What are you looking for?
Chef:  A mine.
Narrator:  You mean the Lost Dutchman Mine?
Chef:  No the lost Italian Mine of course.  I hear they have the greatest pizza.
Narrator:  There was a guy over there who was talking about pizza earlier.  I think his name was Wild
Bill.....(hiccup) Wild Bill........(hiccup)....
Chef:  Yeah, I know him, Wild Bill Hiccup - Hiccup...(leave the room)

Characters:  6 to 8 Cub Scouts
Props:  Paper sacks
Setting:  Skit opens with boys standing together in a backyard.  Cardboard cutout trees and bushes could be used.
1st Cub:  Gee, there's nothing to do.
2nd Cub:  Yeah, I know.
3rd Cub:  Hey, let's have a backyard picnic.
All:  Yeah!
4th Cub:  But it's going to rain.
1st Cub:  I don't think so.  If it does, we can eat in the house.
2nd Cub:  I'll bring the potato chips.
3rd Cub:  I'll bring the hot dogs.
4th Cub:  I'll bring the hot dog buns.
5th Cub:  I'll bring the drinks.
6th Cub:  And I'll bring something special!

(All walk offstage and come back carrying sacks)

2nd Cub:  Here are the chips.
3rd Cub:  Here are the hot dogs.
4th Cub:  Here are the hot dog buns.
5th Cub:  Here are the drinks.
6th Cub:  (Drops his sack) Oh, no!
5th Cub:  What's wrong?
6th Cub:  I brought the ants!!

Important Guy:  "OK, Aug, I want you to sell these pencils."
Aug:  "Pen-solls"
Important Guy:  "That's right, Aug.  Now, when you see someone coming down the street, I want
you to tell them what you're selling."
Aug:  "Pen-solls"
Important Guy:  "Yes, Aug.  Be more enthusiastic about it!"
Aug, waving his hands in the air:  "Pen-Solls!!!"
Important Guy:  "Very good, Aug.  Now, people will want to buy your pencils, and they'll ask how much they are.  They come in $2, $5, and $10 packs.  Got that?"
Aug:  "Pen-solls?"
Important Guy:  "No:  Two, Five, Ten."
Aug:  "Two ..  Five ...  Ten!!!"
Important Guy:  "I think you've got that.  Now Aug, one more thing.  Someone might ask
why they should buy your pencils.  If they ask that, Aug, I want you to tell them this.  'If you
don't, somebody else will'".
Aug:  "If you don't ...  somebody else will!"
Important Guy:  "Very good.  Now, get out there and sell pencils!"

The important guy wanders offstage, and Aug wanders to the other side of the stage.
A man on the street approaches Aug.  Aug runs to him waving his hands.

Aug, in his face:  "Pen-Solls!!!"
Man on street:  "Hey, you're a real jerk! How many people have you done this to?"
Aug:  "Two, Five, Ten!"
Man on steed:  "You're really asking for a punch in the mouth, buddy."
Aug:  "If you don't ..  somebody else will!"
Man on street punches Aug, who falls flat, that's the end of the skit.

Two scouts lay down on sleeping bags on the stage.  Two other scouts, pretending to be bikers "ride" over to one of the scouts who is on top of the bag and proceed to beat him up.  They do anything they want to make it look like they have hurt him.  They see him moving and "ride" off.

The scout who just got beat up turns to his buddy and says, "Two bikers just came through the woods and beat me up." His buddy turns to him and says, "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."

This happens two more times, with the bikers beating up the guy, but on the third time, something different happens.  The guy who gets beat up turns to his buddy and tells him what happened again.  This time his friend says, "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."

Now the bikers come back and go up to the same sleeping bag again, and one turns to the other and says, "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."

This is great fun in warm weather at a campfire, and it takes a little practice for the perpetrators.  There is plenty of room for variation, depending on what the Scouts can imagine and how the volunteers react at the time.  As usual, the Scapegoat gets wet.

Preparation
You will need an Announcer and a Pitcher, but the Batters will be volunteers.  The first Volunteer should be told what is happening ahead of time, so that his performance shows others how it's done.  Set up a sheet a backdrop.  Two Scouts hide behind it, one with a flashlight and the other with a bucket of water (but be sure that the audience does not see the bucket).  The flashlight is held against the sheet to simulate the ball.  The movement of the light is the key to the whole skit.

A baseball bat or a thick stick is needed for the batter, and a baseball glove for the Pitcher.  Use a roll of canvas and a stick (or something similar) to simulate the sound of the ball hitting the catcher's glove (done by a Scout behind the sheet).  If it is dark, have two strong flashlights shining on the Pitcher and Batter.

The Skit
The Announcer comes on stage and tells the audience that there will be a baseball pitching demonstration.  He introduces the Pitcher as the greatest pitcher of all time, who will show us his famous specialty pitches.  After a buildup about how great the Pitcher is, the Announcer positions the Pitcher at one end of the sheet. The Announcer asks for members of the audience to volunteer to try to hit this famous pitcher's best pitches.  The first volunteer is given the bat and placed at the other end of the sheet.  The Announcer explains that the Pitcher will throw one pitch, and the Batter must do his best to hit the ball.

The Pitcher winds up and pretends to throw, as the Announcer narrates ("He's set.  He winds up.  There's the pitch!"  The Scout behind the screen moves his light rapidly down the sheet.  The Announcer yells, "Fast ball!"  The Batter swings hard.  We hear the sound of the ball hitting the catcher's mitt.  The Announcer says, "A strike!  You're Out!"  The Batter returns to his seat.

Another Batter is recruited.  This time the Announcer calls out a curve ball, which curves wildly across the sheet.  The Batter is again called out.  The process continues with a knuckleball and a screwball. Finally, the Announcer introduces the famous Pitcher's dreaded Secret Pitch.  He asks for a special volunteer, of especially outstanding baseball ability and unusual courage, to try to hit this pitch.  A Scapegoat is volunteered by the Announcer and encouraged to come up.

The Batter is carefully placed, and the ball is pitched.  As it comes to the Batter, the Announcer cries, "Watch out!  It's a spitball!" His warning comes too late, as water cascades over the sheet onto the Batter.

Props:  Coat with football or wadded clothing under it for the Hunchback, hat or nightstick for Gendarme.

Announcer:  The Hunchback of Notre Dame has decided to retire, and has place an ad in the Paris Times for someone to come and learn how to ring the bells.

Effects:  (Knock, knock, knock)

Hunchback:  (Gravely voice) Oh, somebody must be here about my job.  I'll go down and see.  (Goes 'round and 'round the campfire, as if going down the bell tower, bent over due to hunch.)

Effects  :  (Knock, knock, knock)

Hunchback:  (Angrily) I'm coming, I'm coming.  There's a lot of stairs here.  (Arrives at and opens the door.)
Hunchback:  Yeah !  What do you want ?

Applicant:  I'm here about the bell ringer's job.

Hunchback:  All right !  Come on up and I'll see if you can do the job.  (Begins to go up (the other way around) followed by the applicant.)

Applicant:  Boy, the ceiling is not very high here, is it ?

Hunchback:  Listen, you go up and down these stairs 20 times a day for 45 years and you just learn to stay bent over.  Hey, did you close that door, didn't you ?

Applicant:  I don't know.  I don't remember.

Hunchback:  Well, we gotta go down and keep it locked, can't run up the church's fuel bill.  (Both turn around and go back.)

Hunchback:  That's the first thing you gotta learn.  Keep the door closed.  Up and down these stairs, that's the hard part.  (Arriving at door) O.K., so now you're here, close the door.

Applicant:  (Closes door) How are the benefits in this job ?

Hunchback:  (Both going back up) Well, it has it's ups and downs.  The Church board will buy you ear plugs every six months and a new bottle of bell polish once a year (Finally arriving at the bell)  All right, now you stand over there, and I'll show you how it's done. First you grab the bell here and push it out very hard (steps back and follows path of bell out and back) then the bell comes back on it's own.  That's all there is to it.  Do you think you can do that ?

Applicant:  Sure ! (does the action with the bell, but does not step back, is hit by bell and falls back, to the ground)

Hunchback:  Oh my gosh !  He's fallen 15 stories to the sidewalk.  I'd better get down there.  (Goes 'round and 'round until he reaches the ground)

           (Crowd enters mumbling, stops astonished at body)

Gendarme :  (Entering, calls to Hunchback) Hey you !  Do you know this guy ? (Rolls body over with foot)

Hunchback:  No, but his face sure rings a bell !
 

Bell Ringer # 2
(The trick with this skit is to do it the night after doing Bell Ringer #1, and to do everything exactly the same - perhaps with a little more 'hamming it up')

(When the Applicant arrives the Hunchback says:)
Hunchback:  You look just like the guy who was here yesterday.

Applicant:  Oh, that was my twin brother.

(Revert to the original dialog again.  The audience will think it's getting a re-run and prepare itself for a 'groaner' of a cheer.  When they hear the ending, you'll get a great reaction.)

(Carry on with dialog, except for the last line.)

Hunchback:  No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday !
 

Bell Ringer # 3
(To be used ONLY when Bell Ringer #1 and #2 have been used.)

Props:  Rain slickers, blanket, and Gendarme gear from above.

(Two players enter in rain slickers holding blanket between them like a jumping net.  The jig and jog around the performing area.)

Gendarme  :  (Entering) Hey, what are you guys doing ?

Fireman #1:  Well, the last two nights some guy has jumped out of that bell tower, and we came to catch him !

The key performer is the Catcher, who must wave around a can of water without spilling. He simulates the spit hitting the can by tapping on the can with his finger.  He will need to practice so that he does not spill, does not show the audience that there is water in the can, and can be heard but not seen when he taps the can.

The catcher sits quietly in the audience.  The can of water is on the stage, but not obvious.

A Scout loudly proclaims himself as The Best Spitter In The World.  He boasts about his spitting ability, saying that he can spit farther than anyone else.  Other Scouts, who have been planted at the back of the audience, challenge him to prove it, saying that they do not believe him.  The audience takes up the cry.

The Spitter agrees and asks for someone from the audience to catch for him, just to prove his ability.  The Catcher volunteers, acting as if he expects to be the scapegoat.

The Spitter explains that he will stand about 20 feet apart.  He will spit, and the Catcher will catch the spit, just to prove the distance and accuracy.  The Catcher reacts with horror, "I'm not going to touch your spit!" The Spitter is understanding, notices the can, and offers it as something to catch with.  The Catcher agrees with obvious relief.
They set up a short distance apart.  The Spitter winds up and spits.  The catcher reaches up and catches with a solid thump.

The Spitter takes a bow, but the audience is not impressed.  They say anyone can do that, do something harder.  They back off and repeat the performance from a greater distance.  Again, the audience yells at him. After several tries, the Spitter claims that he can spit all the way around the world! The audience reaction is predictable.  They set up; the Spitter spits; the Catcher ducks, waits, moves the pan around, and catches it.

Now the planted Scouts yell that the Spitter is a fake! They say that he couldn't really spit all around the world.  The Spitter says, "Oh, yeah? Show them." The Catcher turns and throws the water into the crowd.

This takes about six guys, who form a circle around an invisible blanket, with a small invisible guy (Bruce) who sits in the middle of the invisible blanket and gets tossed.

"We're an Olympic blanket tossing team, and Bruce in the middle here is our star blanket bouncer.  We'll toss Bruce a bit just to warm up.  One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!"

On three each time, the team lets the pretend blanket go slack, then pull it taught.  They watch the invisible Bruce go up in the air, then come down, and the gently catch him again in the blanket.  Each time they toss him higher.  The team has to be in sync, and they have to watch about the same spot -- the easiest way to do this is to have everyone just imitate the leader, who is the speaker.

"OK, we're all limbered up now?" The team murmurs in agreement.  "Then let's toss Bruce a bit higher.  One, two, three!"

Bruce comes up, and the team adjusts their position a bit to catch him as he comes down.

"One, two, three!" This wait about ten seconds, and move quite a bit to get under him. Move this way and that before finally catching him.

"One, two, three!" twenty seconds this time, almost lose track of him, adjust the position here, there, and here again.

"What? What's that you say, Bruce?" pause "Audience, you are in luck! Bruce wants to go for the world record blanket toss! Ready team? One! Two! Thu-reee!!!" A mighty toss! The team shifts positions, like trying to catch a high fly ball.  "There he goes! He's past the trees! He's really up there!" pause, looking hard into the sky "Do you see him? I've lost him. Where'd he go?" another pause "Oh well." The team leaves the stage, and the program continues.

After another skit and song, and preferably in the middle of awards or announcements of some sort, "Bruce! Quick team!" The blanket tossing team runs back on stage, positions themselves this way and that, and catches Bruce.  "Let's have a big hand for Bruce! Yay!!!"

The scene takes place in the waiting room of a doctor of contagious and communicable diseases, Dr.  Ringworm, M.D., l.s.d., v.i.p., l.c.b.  Have four chairs and a stand for magazines or books.  In walks a fellow (a) with an itch which he scratches periodically in different places.  He grabs a magazine and attempts to read but is disturbs periodically by his itch.  After a while , a second fellow (B) comes in with a serious hand twitch.  B sits next to A.  B gradually starts to scratch with the itch, while A's hand starts to twitch.  When it has been well established that they have contracted each others' disease, a third person enters with a serious leg twitch.  Pretty soon all three have the hand twitch, leg twitch, and itch all over.  a fourth guy comes in bouncing all over the place and shaking every muscle in his  body.  The actions of the four guys become more frantic and are bouncing around in their chairs.  Then a boy dressed like a pregnant lady strolls in casually and the other four scramble for their lives.  If possible or desired have some jazz music playing in the background for the scouts with the diseases to keep the beat to.

Characters:  Several Cubs around fake campfire pretending to cook hot dogs on sticks.
Two Cubs dressed as mosquitoes--antennae, wings etc.

Setting:  Boys around fire keep slapping as if they are being attacked by mosquitoes throughout the skit.  As the scene opens, the two mosquitoes enter the stage and continue walking randomly around the boys as they deliver their lines.

Mosquito #1:  Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like best?
Mosquito #2:  Easy! Skin diving.  Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said to the
mosquito.

Mosquito #1:  No, what?
Mosquito #2:  Don't bug me!

Mosquito #1:  Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito #2:  Sure.  My ant.

Mosquito #1:  Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito #2:  No -- tell me.
Mosquito #1:  Hop to it!

Cub #1:  These mosquitoes are awful! Lucky I brought the insect repellent.  (Pretends
to spray air.)  (Mosquitoes exit quickly -- choking and gagging.)

Cub #2:  (To cub #1) Say, what has 18 feet, red eyes, and long claws.
Cub #1:  I don't know.
Cub #2:  Neither do I, but it's crawling up your neck.

(All boys run screaming from stage.)

Characters:  TV reporter, 4 Cub athletes getting ready for the Cub Olympics.

Props:  Frisbee for discuss, pile for javelin, bag of cookies, toothbrush and basin of water on stand, fake mike for reporter (can be dressed in suit jacket and have ID for his station on his lapel in large letters)

TV reporter:  We're here today to interview the athletes at Pack _____ as they prepare for the challenge of this years Cub Olympics.  As you can imagine, it takes months of training and hard work to get these athletes ready to compete.  Let's see how they are preparing themselves for the big competition.  (turns to Cub #1 with microphone) Tell me, how are you getting ready for your event in the Olympics?

Cub #1:  I'm practicing my throw for the discus event.  (demonstrates how to throw discus using Frisbee)

TV reporter:  Great form! (turns to Cub #2) and you -- can you tell us how you are preparing to compete?

Cub #2:  I'm polishing my javelin for the javelin throw (polishes pole with a rag.)

TV reporter:  Good luck! (turns to Cub #3) What are you doing today?

Cub #3:  I'm practicing for the standing broad jump.  (does a couple of practice jumps)

TV reporter:  Fine! (turns to Cub #4) And what are you doing to train for the Olympics?

Cub #4:  I'm brushing my teeth! (uses basin of water and toothbrush --pretends to brush teeth)

TV reporter:  Brushing your teeth! What Olympic event could you possibly be training for?

Cub #4:  I'm training for the International Olympic Cookie - Eating event!  (pulls out bag of cookies and stuffs some in his mouth.)

Props:  A pile of socks on a table.  Den leader sits behind table.
Den leader:  Boys, I'm pleased to announce that our new Cub Scout socks have arrived!
Please step up for your supply of clean socks.
Cub #1:  I need four pair.
Den leader:  What do you need 4 pair for?
Cub #1:  I need them for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Den leader:  O.K.  Here are your socks.  Next please.
Cub #2:  I need seven pair.
Den leader:  What do you need seven pair for?
Cub #2:  For Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Den leader:  O.K.  here are your socks.
Cub #3:  I need 12 pairs.
Den leader:  Wow, you must really be a clean guy! So why do you need 12 pair?
Cub #3:  Well, there's January, February, March, April...etc.

Props:  Cub - fashioned bouquet, with strands of ivy.
Cub 1:  Gee, Fellas.  I don't think Mrs.  Brown's having a very good time.
Cub 2:  Well, you didn't help things much, giving her that garter snake.
Cub 3:  I was just trying to help her collect stuff for our nature display at pack meeting.

Cub 4:  Yeah...and you heard what she said! "Nothin' ever again, that moves by itself."
Cub 3:  So...now I know better!
Cub 5:  Don't worry about a thing, you guys.  I'm gonna fix everything.
Cub 6:  Yeah? How?
Cub 5:  Well, you know how nutty women are about flowers? So, I picked her this neat
bunch of flowers...(he holds up bouquet, with trailing strands of ivy)...  See?
Cub 6:  Oh no...  (wails).  We'll never get to go on another hike!
Cub 5:  How come?
Cub 6:  Cause...that's poison ivy!!

"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you all doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Oh, I'm a grade school teacher.  I just realized that I can't stand whiney little kids.  I think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "Well I'm a florist, and I've got hay fever." sneeze! "I think I'll join you."

"One, two, ..."
"Wait! What are you doing?" "We're committing suicide." "I'm a dentist, hic and I've had the hiccups for the last hic five years.  Would you like a tooth removed hic?"  He holds one of those pointy dentist things, and each time he hics his hands jerk around "No!" "Then I think I'll hic join you."

"One! Two! Three!!!" They all jump, except for the reporter.
"Four people jump to their grisly deaths! What a scoop!" He runs offstage, scribbling furiously on his notepad.

Props:  Fishing gear, a small row boat or cardboard silhouette of a boat, and a sign that says "boat dock".

Setting:  The scene starts with the boat about 10 feet away from the boat dock. The Cub Scouts and their Den Chief are on their way to go fishing.  The first Cub stops at the dock then walks out across the water and gets in the boat.

Boy 2:  Hey wait for me! (he walks out to the boat) Den Chief:  Oh well...  (steps into the water and pretends to fall in and drags himself back to shore)

Boy 3:  Hey wait up.  Here I come (walks out to the boat) The Den Chief tries and fails again.  The sequence continues until all the boys are in the boat and only the Den Chief remains on shore.  Finally, one of the Cub Scouts
says:  "Should we tell him where the rocks are?"

RINGMASTER:  Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to introduce the Den _____ Flea Circus.  We will now present Hugo, who will walk the tightrope.  When he reaches the center, he will turn a double somersault.  May we have silence, please?

[Two Cubs stretch a string.  Third Cub places "flea" on the string.  Cubs follow movement of flea with exaggerated head movements, as it walks to the center of the string, and turns the somersault.  One boy with his mouth open gets too close to the string and gulps as if he had swallowed a "flea".)

FIRST CUB:  [Puts hand over mouth, gulps loudly.] I swallowed Hugo!  [Begins to cry and leaves stage.]

RINGMASTER:  Err...uh...well...  On with the show.  Our next act is about to begin. Homer will jump from this boy's hand into a dish of water.  Keep in mind the size of this tiny fellow.

[Boy makes motion of tossing "flea" into dish, then retrieves him in hand.]

RINGMASTER:  Well done, Homer.  Give the little guy a big hand. [Boy claps quickly, forgetting Homer...looks shocked, and slowly parts hands, sobs and runs off stage.

RINGMASTER:  Too bad.  But we must compose ourselves.  Our next fabulous act features Hector, the weight lifting Flea.  Hector is the strongest flea in the world. That rock may not seem large to you, but think of how small Hector is...  compare his size to the size of this rock.

[Boy puts Hector on table, proudly points to him, flexes muscles, and points to Hector again.]

RINGMASTER:  [To boy] Hold up that rock so the audience can get a better look at it.

[Boy holds up rock in one hand for audience to see...  then plops rock back down on table without looking.  Looks around for Hector, picks up rock and finds smashed Hector.]

BOY:  Hector! Hector! [Sobs, hangs head, and leaves stage.]

RINGMASTER:  We seem to be having a bit of hard luck.  But the show must go on. I now introduce Harry, the bare-back riding flea.

[Boy removes shirt, then pretends to place "flea" on his bare back, then runs off stage yelling.]

BOY:  Hang on, Harry! [Looks over shoulder while running offstage.]

RINGMASTER:  [Relieved.] He made it! And now Hiram and Hillary will perform their world famous trapeze act.  Hillary will make a triple somersault and Hiram will catch her.

[Boys hold up trapeze made of soda straws with a string through them.  Two boys each hold one.  Third boy places "flea" on trapeze and begin to swing it.]

RINGMASTER:  There they go! Watch them swing! Hillary lets go, she's turning a somersault.  One, two, three, and Hiram catch..  her..  misses her! [Boys begin looking for Hillary on the floor.]

BOY:  There she is! Points to floor near second boy.]

SECOND BOY:  Where? [Takes a step where other boy pointed.]

BOY:  You just stepped on her! Oh well, she needed more practice, anyway.  Say,[to Ringmaster] we have another flea act for you.  He's a man eating flea! [Opens box] Oops, he got away!

[Ringmaster begins to scratch frantically, yells help several times, and runs off stage.  (Preferably into audience.  ;) )

BOYS:  [Chasing him] Hey! Bring back our flea! We want our flea!
[Curtain]

This is a campfire skit.  You can plan it carefully if you want.  If you have a good spontaneous actor, he might be able to ad-lib responses to each object presented to him, without advance planning.  The Announcer should always tell the audience what object is given to the Fortune Teller, because they usually will not be able to see clearly.

The Skit

A small tent is set up, with an old lady sitting in front of it.  This can be a Scout wrapped up in a blanket, who speaks with an old lady's voice.  An Announcer introduces her as a very accurate teller of fortunes who can predict a person's future by touching anything belonging to the person.

The Announcer calls up a series of Scouts.  He asks the first Scout what he has brought, and the Scout produces a pencil.  The Announcer hands the pencil to the Fortune Teller and asks her to tell the future of the owner.  The Fortune Teller waves her hands and mumbles some words and then predicts that the owner will become a writer. The scene is repeated.  A Scout produces a comb from his pocket, and the Fortune Teller predicts that he will become a hairdresser.  A third Scout has a dollar, and she predicts that he will become a successful banker. After several of these, the Scapegoat is summoned from the audience.  The announcer asks what he has to show the Fortune Teller.  No matter what the Scapegoat suggests, the Announcer says it is not good enough.  Either it has been done before, or it is too easy, or "That's no fun!", or any other reason.  Finally, the Announcer suggests that the Scapegoat try his shoe, and makes him take it off. The shoe is handed to the Fortuneteller, who repeats her mumbo jumbo.  (If the Fortune Teller is a good pantomime, this is a wonderful opportunity to make faces, hold her nose, etc.)  She then announces, "You will take a long walk in the woods!" She throws the shoe far into the woods.